Letting go to find yourself

I never knew how much of myself I would have to let go to feel truly alive. I started to see it coming in my 30s, a push to disconnect from so much that I had embraced to get to where I was- things that had helped me feel safe, resilient and capable through life’s most challenging moments. A feeling that only continued to grow and nag at my attention until I leaned into the courage that letting go requires. It’s been one of the hardest, longest and most vulnerable experiences, and it’s given me everything.  

The hardest part has been in allowing myself to recognize all the little pieces that I’d picked up or been handed over a lifetime- pieces that were never mine, and how they shaped my experience of life. That awareness started to break through when I became a parent. I wanted to be the mother that I had needed and I was determined to cultivate that relationship. I was present and engaging and supported them discovering themselves while I created so many enriching experiences for their development. I was a great mom to those littles. I also realized when they were still quite young that I felt empty and disconnected. I’d see other mom’s laugh with their kids in a way that felt so real, while I felt empty behind my smile and laughter. I was proud of my kids and loved them fiercely… and I still couldn't feel it. You might be thinking postpartum, but there was something about this that felt different, deeper. 

About that time I discovered Brené Brown’s work about vulnerability, shame, courage and wholeheartedness. When I heard her now famous Ted Talk where she states that

"you can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing those other affects or emotions... You can’t selectively numb- when we numb those, we numb joy. We numb happiness. We numb gratitude.”

I listened to that talk and then read every one of her books and oh boy, did she have my number! She also offered a way out. And so began this journey. 

It’s been 7 years, a couple coaches and more than one therapist and there is so much that I’ve discovered, let go of, embraced and unlearned. I found my way back to myself and my joy. I’ve learned to be still, to breathe deeply and to listen to that voice inside, the one that is connected to a deep knowing that transcends time and is not bound in place. I’ve learned to let go of control and striving for an illusion of perfection, then replaced that with experiencing the moment I’m in, with accepting that I am enough. I’ve let go of the expectations and beliefs that were never mine and instead leaned into rediscovering my voice, my authentic self. What I discovered was that I wanted more than anything to be seen and truly known and still feel like I was enough, and that started with me. 

I’m grateful for the life I’ve lived, every moment and experience bringing me to where I am today. I also feel so fortunate to have found just the right support at just the right time in my life. I’ve discovered the peace and possibility that comes with living a life that feels authentic and aligned from within. It’s a journey I strive to empower others to take through my work as a coach.

Letting go isn’t about losing—it’s about coming home to yourself. That’s where joy and possibility live. When you reclaim your story, you don’t just live—you come alive.